June 20

Apparently I have hips that are, to quote the doctor, “totally out of whack”. So on Thursday of this week I will get a steroid shot in my SI joint which should help with my pain, which seems to me to get worse every day.
It will be a little while until I know for sure that the shot has helped and then the doctor will send me to therapist, who, he assures me, is excellent and will target the therapy to what I need.
I feel better just knowing there is a little help in sight.

Too bad that the world is feeling so much pain too. There are so many reasons for the state the world finds itself in, but one of things that is most dismaying to me is the billions spent on war and armaments. What a waste of resources. What if parents spent most of their money stockpiling weapons and said they had no money left over to feed and clothe and give health care to their children?
Anyway, here is a poem that came out of my reflecting on the huge military base near me called the White Sands Missile Range where weapons of destruction are tested.

WHITE SANDS

I am sitting under a bowl of perfect blue sky
on a hillside east of the Organs.
I see a line of distant hills and a green plain,
a vista that stretches for miles, and, over all,
a blanket of blowing dust.

There is a white ribbon near the horizon,
which I know to be a mystery of shifting sands.

A cooling breeze blows over me,
trying in vain to blow away
my thoughts of what is really below.
for it is a valley of death,
a place accepted because its jobs bless the economy
while it curses mankind with weapons.

There must always be new weapons,
new ways to kill,
new ways to be top dog,
to rule the world,
to smother love and mercy.

And so the dusty mist tries to conceal reality
just as clouds of unconcern blur our minds

and the wind blows on,
moving the sands tiny grain by tiny grain,
toward oblivion.

Advertisements

June 17

Well, the plague of Southwest June is here. Today it will get up to 107 degrees F. I’m staying home.

And the news goes on, if you can dignify it as news. It is like a terrible accident, you are appalled, but somehow you can’t look away. Sometimes I listen to TV news and sometimes I get my news from political cartoons or clips from late night TV. You can find them on YouTube. Way more satisfying. At least one can laugh. I just finished reading a great book titled, “Dark Money”. Every American should read it. Although it is very scary it explains a lot.

I see a orthopedic doctor on Monday. Hoping for some answers. I’m trying to put it all in perspective……….

THE PEA IN MY SLIPPER

I was enjoying a relaxing evening
with a plate of colorful, delicious
vegetables upon my lap
and then a pea fell into my slipper.

Life was, in general, good
and placid until into my family
strode a killer with a capital C
and then a pea fell into my slipper.

I had a dear and special friend
who was my alter ego, but
one day she suddenly was gone
and a pea fell into my slipper.

My body stayed healthy for many years
my strength a source of pride,
but then aging took over, my body slowed,
while a pea fell into my slipper.

None of these problems belonged in my life !
I struggled to understand why, until
my pain appeared in proper perspective
as only a pea in my slipper.

June 3

Well, I got the test results from the neurosurgeon on Wednesday. The good news is I don’t require another surgery. The bad news is that I got no information other than that from him. Once a surgeon decided that he isn’t going to get to do a surgery on you, he loses interest. He seemed in a big hurry and I didn’t get to question him further.
He gave me referrals to an orthopedic Dr. and to pain management. I’ll have to see the orthopedist first. What I really want is answers as to where the pain is coming from and what is causing it. I suppose I’ll have to wait more weeks to see that Dr. It is a circle of pain and despair, trying to get the help you need from the medical system. I just thank God I have good insurance. If it wasn’t for that, I’d be unable to afford all these tests and appointments.
So I don’t have more to say than that. The pain in my upper back gets worse….pain in the SI joint and hip lessen if I rest a lot.
Just trying to keep going and not get down and discouraged.
The poem today kind of says how I feel about my body….I’d be glad to leave it behind.

MESSAGE TO MY BODY

You have been so long a part of me,
but now you draw away.

You refuse to do the things I enjoy,
sulking like a dying love.

I feel I’m losing you.
Soon we shall part—oh yes!

You see, I can live without you,
but you cannot live without me.

I shall be set free from
the prison of your limitations.

For many years you served me well, but
now you offer restrictions and excuses.

So you must be less important now.
My spirit will take me the rest of the way.